There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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