I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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