Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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