Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
