rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
