I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
sex in a hospital.. check
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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