Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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