I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
