When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
