Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
