Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
