shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
