Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
