you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
