pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
two words...techno handjob
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Randomize