So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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