i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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