and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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