it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
