Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
