they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
