He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
