around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.