for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!