If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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