imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
I touched a dick in church today
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself