Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?