I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
