Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.