actually, I'm a sock model
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
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he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
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You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me