He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
