He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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