I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
