ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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