Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My breasts were aching with rage.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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