So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
