i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
