Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
