and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
