Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
