she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
time to smoke my breakfast
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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