well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
