I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
