saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize