pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
