it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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