Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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