Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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