So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
