Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
