people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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