Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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