the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
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I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
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I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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