i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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