4 words: hood of his car
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize