i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
