There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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