Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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