a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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