I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
