I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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