I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
