dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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