I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
