my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He better not be in your backpack
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
