Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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