The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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