isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
