He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
