the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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