i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
this just has baby written all over it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
