Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I had to cum in my sink.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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