what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Four minutes until I can fart!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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